It may not be a Catholic thing to say but it's the truth - Cancer is a bitch. Watching your Dad go from a real healthy, intelligent active man (it seemed like he was in every association in Christendom) to seeing him lying on a bed wracked with pain and cancer-related pnuemonia and not in his right mind is something I would wish on no one. My comfort is that he died in beautiful surroundings with caring and competent staff and that my Mom and I spent hours with him the day before he passed. He had a nice funeral which packed out the Cathedral and then we went home.
So I guess here I am 5 1/2 months later still trying to put the pieces of my life together and journeying with my Mom to do the same. It was always the three of us - Mom, Dad and me. And now it is just the two of us. We do feel the lack of a man in the house just for the man stuff. Because of our situation I think people can perceive us to be vulnerable (yes, we have gotten the requests for money) Each holiday that passes is tough.
But we are getting by. Surviving. Healing. Growing. We have reached the point where there are more good and okay days than bad days.But that doesn't mean we don't feel his loss everyday - as breadwinner, fixer upper, source of cynical humor, source of running commentary of the news of the day, put-the-garbage-outer, bill payer and eater of all food *grin* So I guess that is where we are. Just the two of us