HE WON'T FAIL

I been gone for a minute. I know. I've been going through a rough time lately. Struggling to settle back down into school and watching my money run low was occupying my mind.Then, things got better and I got a break so I can write for you all.........HELL NAW!!

In fact thing have gotten worse, at least on the outside. Broke up with a lovely man who informed me that he had no future plans/intentions for us. ( Trust me watching The Bachelor was deja vu all over again......especially the part where Melissa tells Jason off and walks off). In addition, a bad crunch time with two assignments within a week of each other has morphed into craziness with FOUR assignments- two papers, a project and a presentation within two weeks of each other.

I did the usual aaaaahh!! - stress out- bitch-and whine thing that I normally do. Wrote some bad sounding status updates on Facebook and generally was a mess. But now I have gotten out all my feelings, I think I am going to handle this crunch time a bit differently. I want to plan out what I am going to do when and try my darnedest to stick to it, to be gentle with myself when I see time passing, to make sure and budget time for laughter, music ; to sleep no matter what (bipolars need their sleep almost as much as they do their medication.......in fact more).

I have carved out at least a couple hours later this week to go to the gym and relieve the physical stress when it gets too much; and will grieve (when I have room) for my lost relationship. And from the depths of my heart rises the last refrain from Smokie Norful's song,"God is Able"..... " He won't fail / He won't fail....."

BECUASE I WANT TO AND I CAN

So here I am, having cut off all my dreadlocks and styling my hair short. I know I am going to provoke a lot of questions as to why I did it. Many people, especially Rastafarian people have deep religious reasons for growing their hair into dreadlocks. I DIDN'T.

For me it was simply a hairstyle choice. I liked my hair was already fairly long so I went to the hairdresser and locked it. But, as it grew, it became a monster. Unfortunately for me I am not the person with the kind of hair that can have neatly maintained dreadlocks with out mucho, mucho input from a hairdresser. As in every week. As I do NOT have time or the money for such an indulgence (being a financially challenged undergrad), I decided to go the DIY route. Big mistake. It ended up looking more untidy and being so. And worse, it began to consume huge amounts of money in the never-ending quest for the perfect product to maintain on my hair at home.

I admit I tried to attach some significance to my dreads. Tried to say to my self "Look, Nikki, have patience". I mean I even subscribed to those natural hair sites that extolled the virutes of locks and said it was a better, more healthy choice than chemically processing your hair. But patience is not cheap and I was beginning not to like what I saw in the mirror. It was beginning to affect my self-image, man. I tried the last ditch effort to find the perfect hairdresser, (cheap and good) where the women there regaled me with horror stories of what happened when they cut off their locks. It was a spiritual thing, they said, You should not cut it because you will lose your power.


Eventually the most spiritual thing for me though, was to CUT THEM OFF. I also chemically processed my hair to be a bit softer. I liked what I saw in the mirror. And more importantly, I had evolved from the girl who started to grow the locks a year ago. So - New Year,
New Me.

However, as I go out in public I know I am going to be faced with shocked looks and the inevitable question of why I did it. Instead of telling them the long sordid, tale; I am going to answer,"Because I wanted to and I can"